Greetings to my most beloved church family!

I have to start by writing a disclaimer like Amy Hoffman did! I tend to be quite the scatterbrain, so you will likely find that my writing is “all over the place” as well… but I can assure you, I will write from my heart 🙂

Just some quick background for those who don’t know me. I attended Zion from 2001-2010. In 2010, I made the difficult decision to leave the church but continue to join in prayer and support. Shortly before I left, I had gone through a rather sad divorce, and I wanted more than anything for my ex-husband to be able to continue to go to Zion despite our differences. He also ended up leaving, but I wanted that to always be an option for him in case he chose to come back… Zion was really the only church family he had ever had, and they loved him dearly. He struggled with addiction, and our Zion family was ALWAYS there for him. I am SO happy to say that he is SOBER now over three years! PRAISE BE TO GOD. *I got his permission to share this testimony.

I am a mother of four children… two of which I had with my ex-husband, and two that I inherited through remarriage of my current husband, Kyle. They range in age from 10 to almost 18 (Yes, you read that correctly… Logan will be 18 in a month). I am a nurse and have worked for LGH for almost 20 years. I am a newly graduated Nurse Practitioner, but I continue to work at the bedside, as I feel led to remain working directly with Covid-19 patients at this time. My ultimate goal (as Steve and Joyce have heard all about)… is to work as an NP at LGH, but offer up my time to be the “as needed” Zion NP on call! I adore the Zion family! So anyway, the reason I give you that background is to lead into the theme of my midweek musing. It seemed fitting to write about our current situation as Christ-followers during an incredibly challenging pandemic.

It is no secret that 2020 has been an extraordinarily challenging year for so many people, for so many reasons. This year has quite possibly been the most anxiety-provoking, politically dividing, and socially unresting year there has been in a while. It is so very easy to feel down, scared, discouraged, angry, exhausted, and the list goes on. And you know what? God gets this. He feels it, He mourns with us. And He certainly doesn’t expect us to be perfect. Overall, I believe that we are a group of generally positive, faithful, and God-loving humans… so it may be natural  to feel an obligation to be “on stage” at all times in order to set an example by living out our testimonies. But even as we try to remain positive and set an example for those that feel defeated around us, we need to remain focused on His word and remain capable of self-care and love.

Over the past several months, I have certainly had feelings of sadness, defeat, and downright fear. As I care for Covid patients, there are absolutely times where I have let these emotions seep in just a little too far. I am human. You are human. As we all read/watch the news or listen to our neighbors/friends/family discuss the current happenings, it is terrifying to try to choose a side between “we are going to be fine” and “now I am sitting here watching my loved one die.” It is exhausting hearing hate being spewed from people of all backgrounds, hearing people argue seemingly about anything and everything, and not knowing what the next day brings related to our safety and wellbeing. I may sound harsh, but I am being real… I think it is safe to say we are all somewhere between a bit worried and downright terrified.

Perhaps the most important question we can ask ourselves at this time is this: Do you believe God is bigger than ALL of your highs and ALL of your lows? YOU BET HE IS! Read that again. GOD KNOWS when there are lows. He is here, we just need to be still and listen. Whenever my mind wanders, and the fear sets in, I do my best to remind myself that HE is in control. Sounds so easy, right? Why is it so hard to remember? Why do I struggle with this after being SAVED by his grace almost 20 years ago? Why can’t we simply remember to give it all to Him as reminded in 1 Peter 5:7 (Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you). I don’t know of a single Christ-follower out there who has mastered this! If you have, by all means let me know the trick!

Throughout the pandemic, I have reflected heavily over two things that my mother taught me, and I hope in sharing these things you may find comfort as well. Since the time I was able to understand it, I remember my mom teaching me about darkness versus light. Whenever I was down, upset, or sad, she would remind me that even though it feels so “dark” right now, there is ALWAYS LIGHT. I would ask her how she believes that when things feel so bad. She would always refer back to Psalm 23:4 (As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death). She repeatedly affirmed for me that even at our DARKEST hour, even in death, there is light. “But mom, how do you know there was light?” Well, it’s simple: “in order for there to be a shadow, there HAS to be light.” We are never in complete darkness. He is our light, even when things seem dim. We just have to remember to depend on His love and faithfulness.

The second thing I have carried along with me is another reminder from my mother. For as long as I can remember, my mother writes herself reminders on her bathroom mirror, in nothing less than lipstick! I love it! God doesn’t tell us HOW we should be fervent in doing his will, so she got creative with her lipstick! For a few months, one thing that my mother has written on the mirror has helped to carry me through in two simple words… EQUIP ME! (See a picture below of the real thing). As we know, God has the plan, he knows the plan, and he shares the plan when we listen. But we are human, and at times we don’t listen, or maybe we have selective hearing. I encourage you to repeat the phrase “equip me” as often as you need to hear God’s calming reminders. What shall we fear if we are equipped with our Lord and Savior’s plan, His words, His UNFAILING promises?

You know what is ironic? When Pastor Steve asked me to consider writing a Midweek Musing, my immediate thought was “Me?? I am not qualified! Who would want to hear from me?” And so, at first, I was going to kindly decline. But I reflected on just how much of a blessing it might be to just one single person. And if I am able to give someone even one little ounce of hope in an otherwise scary time, I am honored to write for you. But you better believe I asked God to equip me first! Each of our journeys is unique, but they are not foreign to our Father. I encourage each of you to reflect on your fears and give them over to Him. I also encourage you to zone in on what your STRENGTHS are and give yourself more credit… especially in a time like this! We all have shortcomings, but I am willing to bet if you take the time to look them over, your gifts are way more plentiful than your flaws. YOU ARE LOVED.

Thank you for coming to my Steve Talk (HAHAHAHA)

.

Adriane Freeman

*PS I genuinely understand the fears associated with Covid-19 as I continue to see things first-hand. I am happy to be a voice of reason to anyone who is struggling with answers. Don’t get me wrong…I don’t have all the answers… in fact, I don’t have any of the answers! But I am willing to entertain questions about my experience as people think of them. Feel free to use this email if you would like to connect. Stay safe!

EQUIP ME